By The Numbers

It's a new beginning, of the 2013-2014 school year.

There's been a lot of changes taking place. First off, my son is now a Kindergartner at another school. I couldn't be prouder of him, but have been struggling a bit with him shedding his "baby blanket."  There's been staffing changes, good friends moving to new buildings or new grades, and then there's the numbers...

I have a high enrollment of 29 students in my class.  But I felt like this was the first year I was ready for it.  Seeing that I have enough Kindergartners to field two classes, my district has been looking for class-size relief.  In the interim a wonderful retired Kindergarten teacher / sub rose to the challenge of the first days of school to come in and help with all the bloody noses, the kid who bonked his head falling off the monkey bars and ended up needing stitches, sick kids in the office and the morning task of emptying ALL the take-home folders (and so much more).  She has all the qualities I would like to have more of: nurturing with the children where I can be a bit punitive, organized where I am flighty, and optimistic where I am cynical. But with her support I've been able to actually teach lessons and do plans.

The kids have also been great.  It never ceases to amaze me how quickly they just start to "get it" despite all the commotion going on around them. To minimize the commotion I have pared down my room to about as minimal as I can get it...and it looks and FEELS so much better to be in there.

Before our open house next week, we were asked to do a photo collage of ourselves "by the numbers" meaning we had to make big numbers and say why those numbers were significant. The only number I kept coming up with was 1... I have 1 son, I have 1 job. I am 1 teacher... it really didn't say much about myself or what I had to offer the kids, so I went with prose.  Plus, I felt like it minimized what I have to offer. I'd like to think I am a little bit more than the sum of my parts.

I think part of the reason I've been feel so positive, despite the giant challenge of teaching nearly 30 kids to read and write, is that this is the first year we haven't dedicated the first week or two to baseline testing.  I've been getting to know my students, ironing out behavioral problems, and letting the students play to get to know each other and observing them.  I feel so much calmer not trying to rush through 30 alphabet assessments just to count letters and crunch data on a rubric.

However, we haven't tossed the data piece overboard.  Next week my Kindergartners will have a computer program measuring their early literacy skills while I troubleshoot and try to make sure they have enough technology skills to operate a mouse to click on the answer they want.  Since this data piece is still something that is being required, I'm happy to let a computer do it so I can use classroom time to interact with the children and planning time to plan lessons instead of crunching numbers.  I think that is one of the main reasons I feel like I am finally getting a grasp of what is happening in my classroom.

I have finally been able to assess my students qualities before their quantitive data.  I am quickly learning what makes them tick, relax, excited or just plain happy to be at school.  And if they are happy to be there, they will be learning.  Our students, however many in a classroom, are so much greater than the sum of their assessments.  In Kindergarten I have the opportunity to see struggling learners grow into curious, creative, studious minds all as they develop from barely 5 years old to 6.

All of these thoughts were swimming through my mind (like fish on bicycles) until I found this online, and it really sums (pun intended) it all up...

Home and Community

After our staff meeting the other day about huge demographic swings and our "school's report card," I got to thinking about my school and the students there.  I was thinking that most of our students don't know a single thing about the man our school was named after.  There is very little history in the school about the students who were there in the past. In fact, the most historical evidence of who we are as a school community comes only from the teachers who have been there for the last twenty years.  They understand who we are as a community, and they come through whenever there is a family in need or with a sick relative, or a baby is born with special medical needs.  Teachers understand this sense, but what about the students ? How can we teach them about what community means?  How can we foster a sense of unity and unified identity as "tigers."  What does it mean to be a "tiger?"  What are our strongest attributes and accomplishments?  We do address this by displaying student work.  Truly I enjoy walking down our halls and seeing what all the 4 to 11 year olds are doing.

Students spend the majority of their waking hours at school.  They need to feel valued as a student and community member to find purpose and meaning in the work they are doing there. They need to feel encouraged by their peers and teachers, to meet the high expectations that we have met before and will continue to pass with flying colors in the future.  There is a storyline to this.  We all have a story, and our collective students have a story about where they have come from and what great things they have done, and this is not accounted for in the "school's report card."

I came back to this theme thinking about my own personal life.  I have been living in Green Bay now for seven years. I don't have family there, but I do feel like I belong.  I feel like I have community.  Being a single parent, I have constraints to ensure my son spends his placement time with both his parents.  I came to think that home truly is where the people you love are, and when my son is away it doesn't feel much like home.  I have community but a shaky home.  I have grown to love my students and the people I work with much like family, and I feel very much at home where I work.  I want my students to feel that "homeyness" too.  Not all children go home to a place where they are cherished, but I hope that if they feel that way at school they will be glad to be there and do whatever it is we're doing.

Less is More

I recently finished the book Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell.    To understand the premise of the book, I couldn't explain it better than the author.  Here is a snippet of Gladwell's summary, but you can read it in its entirety at http://www.gladwell.com/blink/ .

"It's a book about rapid cognition, about the kind of thinking that happens in a blink of an eye. When you meet someone for the first time, or walk into a house you are thinking of buying, or read the first few sentences of a book, your mind takes about two seconds to jump to a series of conclusions. Well, "Blink" is a book about those two seconds, because I think those instant conclusions that we reach are really powerful and really important and, occasionally, really good."

From this book I took two lessons that apply to my teaching.
1.  When I come to a conclusion that resonates as illogical or untrue, I need to step back and reflect if I reached this conclusion due to biases or my own preconceptions.

I have gotten frustrated and impatient with students who are distracting in the classroom.  However, there isn't a single Kindergartner who simply lives to make my job difficult.  I have found the kids who are distracting in the classroom to either: crave attention, have a hearing deficit, unable to control their own impulses, or just want to make friends. This is something it has taken 6 years as a teacher to learn.  By finally realizing it isn't the students are against me, I have been able to deal with the distracting students much more effectively.  This preconception of naughty kids was impeding my classroom management.

2. In order to make better decisions, it isn't necessary to weigh ALL the variables, but only the ones that are key.  Relatedly, to make better decisions it is important to cut out the extraneous distractions and focus on what is truly making the difference.  The bare objective is the hinge on which differentiation hangs.

In the classroom I translate this into what are the objectives.  It is very easy as teachers to get wrapped up in the end product, or the project, or additional skills, when for many students these are distracting or too difficult. When students aren't meeting standards or expectations I have to do less, not more. I have to resurface the objective is and determine if the child understands what is being taught, and what skill is this child lacking.

 I have found that many of the kinder students who don't always look very successful on paper are quite bright.   In my memory I was one of these students: young with a summer birthday. I could imagine my drawings but they came out looking like I had sausage links for curls on my self-portraits.  People laughed, I withdrew.

I have one little student who cannot write.  Simply grabbing the pencil and forming letters or numbers is too hard for him.  He doesn't have the strength in his hands yet, but cognitively he is extremely bright.  For math, the spaces that are in the math book to write the numbers are too small. Already he is embarrassed and feels incapable.  What do I do? I have sent him to make a big copy of the page.  I let him work with a partner who invariably takes over and does it for him (I really need to train those Kinders better to be helpful, but not OVERLY so). Unfortunately with the insistence on testing and uniformity, we are cajoled into using the math program as it was written.  This little boy looks at those math pages and recoils.

There is a lot of print on the pages in the math book.  To some of the children it looks intimidating and "noisy." I would like to boil it down to the objectives, and make accessing those objectives engaging and appealing.  Can he add blocks? Can he add matchbox cars to his parking garage? Yes.

The other side of this coin is that students need to understand what the objective is and what information is extra.  My students are beginning to understand that, as evidenced in the following conversation,
Student - "Ms. Broo-ooo-wwwwn, he didn't finish writing his story."
Me - "Oh? Did he tell you what his story is about?"
Student - "Yes, he is just coloring his picture."
Me - "Pictures are important parts of stories. I'm glad he is working hard on it and that he has a good story that he shared with you."
Student walks away satisfied with response and leaves the other student to draw.
Here the objective is whether students students can represent a personal narrative in age-appropriate writing.  For this student, writing is centered around his picture.  His ability to write words is still in a very early stage of development, but age appropriate.

I have found that in cutting out what isn't necessary I have become much more focused, goal-oriented, and less stressed out.  Even physically, I have emptied storage and filing cabinets of materials that are obsolete, and in turn have made much more room for my students and their need to move.  To do more with my students I am doing less with them.  Fewer lessons, but more meaningful.  Fewer topics, but more deeply.  

The Difference

This year I am enjoying having my own classroom with 25 delightful students.  My class is composed of 17 boys and 8 girls.  When I learned this is the beginning of the year, I was slightly put on edge with the thought of having so many little active 5 year old boys, but they have turned out to be remarkably well-behaved with a great deal of self-control. My class is also reading at a higher level than my previous students.  Of course there are a few outlier students: the young girl recently immigrated from Mexico who turned 5 at the end of August, the boy whose dad is incarcerated and that is all he can think about, and students with special needs.

What I have found with my students is that their parents this year are stepping up and making the difference.  Where before parents were hard to reach, I have parents consistently checking their child's backpack, sending notes with questions, and reading to their children at home.  In some of the single-parent households, I have moms and dads stepping up to do double duty, never faltering to be there for their child, and especially never making up excuses for their child or parenting.  On the other hand, I have one student whose parents make excuses for their parenting and for his behavior.  His mother is a cancer survivor, but the illness has seemed to cripple her spirit as much or more than her body.

The difference made in a child's life lies first and foremost with the person or people who love and care for them the most.  As a teacher, as much as I care for that child, I can never replace what a parent has done or failed to provide for their child.  The parents and children in my classroom this year have taught me that all students truly are capable of achieving great things when no one makes excuses for them.  Empathy shouldn't be construed into excuses or enabling.   Our students are capable of achieving greatness.

Freedom

Freedom has a price, but it is always worth paying.

On a personal note, I found myself being grateful for a new plot of freedom today.  My divorce was granted after a two and a half year separation and three and half year turbulent, hellish relationship preceding the separation.  Six years later I am now legally free of someone, or to be more politically correct, a situation that I found suffocating and depression.  Thousands of dollars in legal fees and many  tears shed later, I am now free to move forward and live as an individual.

It sounds trite, perhaps, but I feel more patriotic or "American" today than I think I ever have.  As an individual now, I have the liberty to my own life and pursuit of happiness.  This is a freedom earned with sacrifice: tears, time, dollars, worry, life pursuits put on hold waiting for and workings towards a resolution.

On a professional note, I am starting the year anew.  In this year I find myself relishing freedom to plan following a new structure for our bilingual programming. I also have the freedom of space since I am no longer team teaching. I would consider the companionship and collaboration of team-teaching a sacrifice I have endured for the freedom of autonomy and space.  I will miss my co-teacher immensely this year, though she will just be up a grade and down the hall.

Professionally and politically, I am recalling a professor I had last summer.  Dr. Jean Erdmann and UW-Oshkosh said in lecture, "teaching is a political act." To paraphrase, when you educate a child you are engaged in a political act; you are raising them up rungs on the societal ladder. You are teaching them to think to make critical political decisions in the future.  You are empowering them with knowledge, to not be controlled by a tyrant. I think some of the meeker classmates found this statement a bit jarring, but I found it to be inspiring and true.  I often think of her lecture when my inner "chi" isn't sufficing and I need to seek out my inner "Che."  Even moreso in this political climate I am inspired to teach to the best of my ability.  I have seen where ignorance has brought us, and democracy won't hold on unless new generations of citizens are here to revitalize it with intelligent debate based in fact, and not inflammatory rhetoric based in fear.

In closing I am reminded of one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite musicals: One Day More from Les Miserables.

One day to a new beginning
Raise the flag of freedom high!Every man will be a kingEvery man will be a kingThere's a new world for the winningThere's a new world to be wonDo you hear the people sing?


This day is done. Now there is a new beginning for me, there is a new beginning for my Kinder students, and maybe a new beginning bubbling below the ballot boxes in this politically charged time.

The Environment

In keeping with the theme of my blog I feel compelled to write about my students' learning environment.
There are some things I can't control about my classroom: physical size or number of students, but I can control what goes into the classroom, how it's arranged, and how tidy it stays.

This year we have had 31 students and 2 teachers in our classroom. As much as I like to keep a classroom environment flexible and adaptive, the students I had this year in Kindergarten seemed to require tomato cages or a trellis.  This year countless toys and books were broken or mistreated, furniture scrawled on with markers, pencils broken purposefully, crayons constantly snapped in half. It was frustrating to see this behavior, but I think I was also channeling a lot of the frustration my students were feeling about not having spaces to grow, be themselves, have quiet OR social activities, and to have more choices... to just be kids and breathe!  As am I cleaning the room and packing things away for summer, I am thinking about next fall already.

While I look forward to spending time outside this summer and doing light landscaping, I see in my backyard that plants always do better when they have their own space and aren't being taken over by weeds. I want the students to have spaces where they can explore through a variety of sensory activities, rather than constantly working with writing implements at their tables.  I want them to have room to stretch out, feel comfortable, and get their own needed time in the sun.

Kinder-gardening

This year we simply didn't have a lot of room for much else. I want to weed out unnecessary furniture and get rid of filing cabinets and go as paperless as possible. This is a tall order for a teacher, as any teacher tends to be a packrat "just in case we might use it in the future."  I see so many inspiring pictures of other teachers' classrooms, through their blogs and want very much to be there, but I seem to not have been born with the organizational gene. Just like I have taught myself to like foods I didn't have a taste for (olives, anyone?) I am trying to teach myself to find a place for everything, and if it doesn't have a place, it isn't needed. I think part of me finds purpose in disarray. When things are disheveled I can look around and know where everything is. It's visually stimulating. My brain doesn't seem to handle calm well, which maybe is a good trait to have for a Kindergarten teacher.

But my classroom has to function for my students, not for me. I want to give them all their space.  Today in a visual survey of my room I estimated that "teacher only" areas account for at least 30% of the space.  This simply isn't right. Students deserve and require that space to have optimal experiences in Kindergarten. They need sand tables, listening centers, computers, dramatic play areas, construction areas, art areas and quiet reading areas, all of which was nearly denied to my students this year because of my inability to provide the space, organization, expectations, and framework for them to do these activities in. I want to whittle my teacher areas to having my desk with the computer on it and utilizing my guided reading table as a seating area for students when they all need to be working at their tables (like during math time).   Spaces that can be multi-purpose need to be, and centers areas that students will use daily need to remain set-up and organized for student use.

Although I am wholly responsible for my classroom environment, one obstacle I am find in teaching is that more and more of our Kindergarten curriculum is becoming "sit and get," which is antithetical to the way in which the majority of Kindergarteners learn. When we expect 31 young children to all be performing the same task at the same time, it becomes a game of herding cats, or turbo Whack-a-Mole. Of course there are times when we need all of the students to be together, but I believe if students are given more freedom throughout the day, these times of class gathering become more meaningful and less taxing for wiggly kids (and their teacher).

I'm looking to weeding my Kindergarten and having a flower bed ready for my new little sprouts in the fall.  In the meantime Pinterest is going to be my idea shop.  Here are a few gems I found from First Grade Fresh.

Listening Center

Meeting Area with directions, objectives

And more from http://clutterfreeclassroom.blogspot.com/2011/07/group-meeting-areas-setting-up.html

Student materials are low, teacher materials are stored using "up" space.

In other environmental news, our school is raising funds for a natural playground.  I hope that we can make this dream a reality for our students, many of whom come from apartments or trailer homes where having their own back yard isn't feasible. There is so much more to play than asphalt, balls, and slides. My favorite thing to do when I was a kid (and probably adult) was sculpt things out of mud and mix in pine needles like straw in a mud hut. I really think kids should be getting dirtier at school.

This is what I hope will take shape in our giant swath of grass. We have the space, let's mix it up!

The above design was created by Bienenstock Natural Playgrounds. I feel that our school is very fortunate to be working with this great organization.

Give up...

I got home tonight with my son. He saw kids riding up and down our street and called out to them, "Hello! Come play with me!"  For a few minutes I had one of those moments parents have when they finally are certain of the growth and change their child is making. He doesn't need me or want me around at all waking hours like he used to.  Today I saw him reaching out to kids he didn't know, out of his shell, and I realized my baby is nearly ready for school.  It can be a tough pill to swallow, or is it that big lump you get in your throat when you have to let something go?

I came up and checked my Facebook and saw a fellow teacher friend who posted this link: http://www.purposefairy.com/3308/15-things-you-should-give-up-in-order-to-be-happy/
I think that this article speaks to something I find as true, that we create our own happiness with what we have. It isn't the prize we earn when we finally get to point B, or the new house, a new car, or a diamond ring. It is the spiritual grounding you have in your own life and how we manage inevitable challenges.

Although there are 15 things to give up, I found the following from the article to be the most applicable as of late.

GIVE UP YOUR NEED FOR CONTROL

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

There are many things I cannot immediately control: my class-size in number of students, my income (or lack thereof), etc., but I can manage them.  I find that I am sometimes fighting my boisterous students for them to be quiet so we can continue on, but there is really no way I can MAKE them be quiet.  I just have to find a way to manage their disruption so they don't find it rewarding to be disruptive and the rest of the students can continue on. 

GIVE UP YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS

about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

Kindergartners can achieve so much when they are given the right enriching experiences that inspire them to learn. They often remind me that learning is limitless when I see how much they achieve in 9 months.




GIVE UP COMPLAINING

 Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

Lately I feel I have done too much complaining. Despite it being a tough year, no excuses.  I think I am going to start filing them away.

GIVE UP YOUR RESISTANCE TO CHANGE

 Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

Sometimes I have a hard time determining my bliss. Yesterday I spun one of my students around in circles (he was having a bad day) and watch his face light up as he squealed with delight.  I love cooking, especially when it turns out, photography... I think though in many ways I have been trying to find footing in my personal life, and perhaps I am holding on and searching with my feet where there is no footing yet.

Not me, wish it was!

and lastly for tonight:
GIVE UP ATTACHMENT

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

I love my son beyond words, and I am growing to accept that it is okay for me to love the time I spent with him when he was a "baby." But I cannot keep him as a baby forever. I think as a single parent who misses out on some of the time with him, I fear losing him or his love.  I know that it is an irrational fear, but there it is, nonetheless.

I think anyone should check out 15 Things You SHould Give Up To Be Happy for a little bit of introspection and self-reflection.  I'm sure there is something there that anyone would feel they could work on.

This entry is for my grandma who passed a year ago today.  I love her and all memories of her. I'd like to think that her simplicity and sensibility guides me a little bit everyday.

And also to my mom, who cried on my first day of Kindergarten.
Happy Mother's Day, Mom.  Thanks for pushing me through those big, red double doors at Pitsch Elementary, even though part of you maybe wanted to pick me up and run back home.

Maybe it's a little gift for you to know I'm right back in Kindergarten where you left me that day, hair still wild and curly and glasses still thick and plastic, fashion sense only slightly improved.

Self-Identity

I was brought to an article on the NPR site about Ezra Jack Keats and his timeless book The Snowy Day. I know the book well and have read it every year to my Kindergarten students. I use it to celebrate winter and also to teach verbs, as the main character Peter experiences snow in many different ways.

Now that The Snowy Day is turning 50 years old, NPR brings us back to the time when Keats, a white man, was under fire for illustrating the simple book with an African-American boy, Peter.  The magic of Ezra Jack Keats' approach to this book isn't everything is says or shows.  It isn't a depiction of an African-American urban boy. It simply is a depiction of how a child encounters snow and experiences it so closely at a young age.  It has nothing to do with his race or his language, but simply that he is a child experiencing something new and he is learning about snow in every which way.


This is how all children learn when we don't interfere, when we don't impose on their experiences with our expectations.


One quote in the  article brought me back to my own classroom, "There was a teacher [who] wrote in to Ezra, saying, 'The kids in my class, for the first time, are using brown crayons to draw themselves.' " Pope says. "These are African-American children. Before this, they drew themselves with pink crayons. But now, they can see themselves."  I think that many of my students have difficulty seeing how they fit in the larger group this year.  


For a long time this year some of my students have been having behavioral problems, usually those students who don't see how they "fit into the fold."  One child is living away from his mother with his grandmother, and doesn't know who is father is.  Two others moved into our classroom half-way through the school year.  Nearly all of them are the children of immigrants, families who struggle everyday to find ways to fit in to our established society.  In a response to behavioral problems and some negativity that has been brewing in our classroom climate, my co-teacher, instructional coach and I are planning a unit on teaching rights, responsibilities, relationships, and respect, basically character education.  The very introduction of this unit is teaching the students about themselves, inside and out, through the Kindergarten concepts of similar and different.  I hope that the students will see their similarities and celebrate their differences, especially through the creative outlet of art... an artlet, if you will.


I have been using art lessons more frequently as a means for the children to work more freely, yet sociably in a controlled environment.   I truly believe that all children (and all people) are born with an innate need to create.  I hope this week's self-portrait lesson will give the students a chance to see themselves in their art, and as a part of a greater whole. The students will be finding paper that matches their skin and hair tones, and coloring themselves as they see.  It is difficult because students have to draw, cut and glue different pieces of paper.  It also gives me a good idea of students' sense of placement and order.

I finish this while riding back home, and as we flip through the radio stations, a gospel song proudly comes on the air and states, "I am what God says I am."  I hope that I can teach my students that they all have something they can create and contribute to the group, no matter who they are.

Balance

I wonder if you can create balance in your life by doing the same thing over and over, if everyday is busy, active, spiritually grounded, social, but has quiet time.  When stated like that I feel like that is something I try to create in Kindergarten. We have routine because children thrive knowing on where they are, where they are going, and how their needs will be met.  But what about life after Kindergarten?

I'm now in my 5th week of my 42hr+ work week and feel totally out of whack.  There is no quiet time. There is no time for investing in relationships. There is a pile of stuff to get done for school. Professional development. Lesson plans. Endlessly new district initiatives....and there are still 9 more months of school to go.  It is a marathon. But just like a marathon runner once you get a few miles into it your body moves without you consciously thinking about it.  I'm still waiting for my aerobic system to kick in.

Even the fittest marathon runners rest before the big race.  The best training schedule has a balance: long one runs, short fast-paced runs, cross-training doing any other activity and rest.  Lately I feel like I'm waiting for my opportunity to run and my opportunity to rest.  And there just isn't a big race to look forward to.

I think to have balance in one's life there has to be the opportunity for balance.  When the work day takes up too much of my time and bleeds into my home life, I feel like it is all I do.  My work is only a part of who I am. On the other hand one has to take advantage of opportunities when they come. Bring 'em on!

A picture's worth...

I love photography. It is my favorite visual art.  I think the best photographers, much like Michelangelo, has a special sense about them. Just as Michelangelo said of his sculpture David, “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free,” Great photographers sense the art, see the image, and capture it.  


In my very amateur knowledge of photography, I would say there are two schools of approach to photography: Technology and Technicality, and Intuition and Luck.  Most photographers have probably studied both of these approaches and find themselves on a spectrum of somewhere between the two.  I would say since my point-and-shoot camera is also set on the AUTO button, I definitely subscribe to the latter. I love that photography is something I am still learning how to do, and also a medium for learning about my world.

Then there is the audience and purpose of photography: when it comes to my son, I am the audience and the purpose is largely for me. The photography is for the love and preservation of the subject in that moment. I can see photos of him a thousand times and show them off to others, but still, I am the one that has the true connection to the image. 

There are great photographers that work in the press that are unsung heroes.  I was inspired today by an NPR story on New York Times photographer Tyler Hicks. The story describes Hicks' work photographing untold stories of unknown victims in the Middle East and in Somalia. While the rest of the nation focuses on our bumbling economy here at home: our wealth of money and resources seemingly freezing, Hicks' photo tells a different story of what happens when there simply is no economy.

Tyler Hicks/The New York Times

While Michelangelo also said, “A beautiful thing never gives so much pain as does failing to hear and see it,” this type of suffering is certainly not beautiful and even painful to those of us who are not subjected to this kind of thing. But maybe because of Hicks' work, we will no longer fail to hear and see it, and the beautiful thing will be the action his work can evoke: empathy and compassion for the rest of humanity, 
rather than the self-serving politics we typically seek in our country.


The best photographers view the world with their eyes and minds wide open. Because of this, they are the eyes for the rest of us who are blinded by comfort or self-interest to the plights of others. They show us the true beauty of nature than constantly renews and remakes itself, rather than the transient superfluities created by man. In a frame they have the power to evoke emotions: sometimes those emotions are indulgent and sometimes they move us to change. 

Travels

It is finally summer, which means two things for a teacher: time to read and time to travel. They often go hand in hand.  I go for 10 months of the year feeling like I am running interval sprints during a long-distance run, leaving me with very little, if any time to read for pleasure.  The first few days of summer vacation (after inservice) I picked up some magazines that I hadn't had time to read during the mad dash to the finish line of the school year.

June's Vogue with Penelope Cruz on the cover (who is a favorite actress of mine for a few of her roles in Almodovar's films) had a thought-provoking letter from the editor entitled Point of Departure. Editor Anna Wintour elaborates on a Henry Miller phrase, "One's destination is never a place rather a new of looking at things," to go as far as saying, "travel allows us the pleasure of becoming someone else, even if only for the duration of that trip." While sitting at my kitchen table her comment struck me. Ten years ago I dreamed of traveling all the time, of working simply so I could travel.  I think based on Ms. Wintour's premise, by traveling and trying out different personas in these new places at that time in my life I was really seeking out the person that I felt most comfortable being.

 I think through my past travels I have found my happy medium between shy and outgoing, wallflower and adventurer. I can't say that there are many trips I regret. I got something out of all of them, even if they were negative experiences like bad accommodations or company. I learned how to be a better judge of people by eliminating all of the biases I hold in my own sphere and by being brave (and sometimes naive) enough to get to know new people in a foreign land. But in the end I came home.

I can't help but wonder if wanderlust isn't somehow tied to our own insecurities (or if the term "tripping" in relation to mind-altering experiences has more to do with traveling than falling down, but I digress...) When I am traipsing around the globe I can be the life of the party, beach bum, explorer, adventurer, writer, missionary, etc., and play these roles to their fullest extent a'la Penelope Cruz. I think about my little Kindergartners who take little trips around the school whenever they get the chance. EVERYONE wants to take the library books back and take the folder to the office. When I am at home, I have to be content with who I am and my present circumstances.  Sitting at my kitchen table, with suitcases empty in a closet, I feel like I have finally settled into a "moment" in my life of contentedness. I think perhaps for the first time in my adult life I feel content with where I am, what I have, and where my life is going.

A few weeks back my friend asked me what my dreams were for the future.  I can't say that right now I am yearning too deeply for anything.  I plan on finishing my masters degree, paying off debt, starting my son in school when he's ready, and yes, I'd love to travel again when the time is right, exploring the space between my ears by venturing somewhere 30,000 feet in the stratosphere, but right now I don't feel the urge as I did before.

This summer I have decided that my travels will be close to home, getting to know Wisconsin and the midwest, the land and the people that have largely made me who I am. I think, if Ms. Wintour's perceptions are right, I can be myself and explore this contented moment of my life a little more deeply.

This weekend I was lucky enough to take a day trip up to Door County and Washington Island.  There are so many beautiful places in that peninsula let alone in the entire state.

School House Beach on Washington Island has no sand, only pummeled, polished white stones.
Even on a rocky beach with no sand, these feet are happy where they stand.

Now that I am back home after a short trip,  I am opening that Vogue magazine to read the article featuring Penelope Cruz in this month's vogue entitled The Dream Life of Penelope. She is a new mom, a successful actress and living her dream-life in this moment too. I close the magazine and go to bed, beyond happy to be living the life I never dreamed of.

Sink or Swim, Float or Faith

Sink or swim is a term often used in education and life. It means simply doing something, maybe without preparation or the right skills and either succeeding or failing at it.  Sometimes in our lives we are pulled out into waters we never intended to venture into and we have to sink or swim, even though it isn't a choice we want to make but feel we are being forced into.

Back when I was student teaching in an internship teaching English language-learners and my first classes for my bilingual license, we often talked about ELLs are expected to sink or swim when it came to comprehending academics.  Students with a natural gift for language and learning succeeded and still do, whereas students who didn't have the proper supports (in terms of vocabulary and modeling, etc.) struggled in school and began to account for those gaps in their academic achievementwe are so trying to close between different demographics of students.  Sink or swim means you rely on nothing but yourself, and there are simply too many times (in education and in life) where someone needs support, a lifeline to be pulled in.

Sometimes we are too preoccupied to see that we won't necessarily sink.  We are so panicked by the fact that we are swept out to sea, we do nothing but float.  Being kept afloat is still surviving, but it is no way to teach, no way to learn, and no way to live. Surprisingly some people are satisfied with simply floating with the status quo. Some people look desperately for ways to get out (and those who try are better swimmers than they ever thought).  

This analogy occurred to me while we were in a training for a new math curriculum today.  In our district, Kindergarten hasn't even had a curriculum adopted for our grade level for probably close to 10 years (my best guess).  Experienced teachers knew what Kindergartners could and should learn; all teachers based what they taught and practiced from the skill standards on the report card.  I couldn't tell you what, if anything that was based on as far as research goes.  So there was nothing to use to teach math, and even less to teach math in Spanish.  We were floating with little to hold on to. Some scrap wood, maybe.  Now we have a curriculum that is being adopted for Kindergarten AND it comes in Spanish for bilingual teachers.  It seems like it should be a no-brainer, but after not having anything really for the two years I've been teaching Kinder math, I'm pretty excited. Someone finally noticed us floating out here (teachers and students) and they are throwing us a line and pulling us in to solid research to stand on.  Despite the presenter asking us to have faith in the research and the completeness in progressive skills and behaviors taught, I noticed some teachers in the training were a little unwilling to let go of their floating scraps of wood. It's hard to let go of something that seemed so safe at one point. Adopting the new curriculum isn't going to be easy, but it will be easier for those of us (newer teachers) who were flailing instead of floating. 

There are times when one ends up in the water and has to swim back into shore, whether it be in a job or a relationship.  It's a long hard swim, but sometimes you have to have faith that it will get you where you need to be.  You may not make it if you get overtired or hit an undertow in the current, but there is risk in everything. If you did nothing you would be floating forever at the mercy of the waves (or in Spanish, A la deriva). In reflecting back on the last five years, there were many times when I had little faith in my abilities or value as a person and felt that I was floating. Those were very unhappy times.

Sometimes the only way you will have success, get to solid ground, is if you commit to something full-force, but not blindly. You have to know where the sharks are swimming, a guess of where the current is flowing, and if there's anyone who will throw you a line if you simply can't anymore. I truly believe that faith isn't blind.  I think faith can be attributed to intuitiveness or perceptiveness of our current conditions, part of it is based on past experience, and is also influenced by our hopes for the future. Part of committing fully to something, investing in it, is perceiving what factors affect what you are about to undertake. 

Sometimes you are blessed with the clarity in which you see an opportunity present itself, and it couldn't be a better time. Sweet serendipity, the clouds part, the sea calms, and you swim.

 

I heard this song on my way to pick up my son on the radio, and it reminded me to write. For your listening pleasure, "Faith" by George Michael. 

Before this river
Becomes an ocean
Before you throw my heart back on the floor
Oh baby I reconsider
My foolish notion
Well I need someone to hold me
But I'll wait for something more

Yes I've gotta have faith...

This school year

Today is the last Friday of the school year. There is only a day and half left of school. We are in wind-down mode, doing fun activities so the kids end their school year on a happy, stress-free note now that grades are in, report cards printed, and everyone is anxious for the free time they have earned.

In reflecting on this school year I think I have learned two things. Yesterday at lunch my friend Susan said, " In order for the kids (especially Kindergartners) to learn anything from you they have to love you, and for them to love you, you have to love them first." This is very true.  The best teachers love their jobs, and they love their jobs because they love their students. It isn't because teaching phonics is just THAT interesting, but watching students learn, sense their own accomplisment and ability is that rewarding.

I have to admit that there were days where I didn't feel like I loved my job or my students as much as I should. I feel like if I did I would have done things differently and probably more effectively.

It makes me think of two teachers who are at the opposite ends of the spectrum in this regard. Strangely enough, their rooms are right next to each other.  I find myself in the middle of their spectrum. One has been doing this a long time, has the same worksheets she uses to occupy her students while she beats through guided reading groups, the other also has the same centers she has been using to occupy students in exploratory learning so she can move around the room and work with her students individually.  The second teacher has had nearly miraculous results with her young students achieving a grade level above expectations. The first teacher is, well, frustrated, or maybe burnt out. 

This is the key of quality teaching. You have to love what you do.  The students are not pieces of plastic to be molded in a factory. They give and bend to your attitude. If you love school and you love them, they feel the same way.  It's a beautiful symbiosis that is proven to work when implemented, but impossible to measure other than in teacher attitude. No mini-lesson or workshop approach or scripted curriculum can even being to make-up for this element in great teaching.

Next year I am going to work on my attitude. I want to come to work feeling good, not worn-out. I need to take care of myself and my son first, so when I'm here I can make the most of my time and interactions with my students. This year has been a flurry of activity resulting in a blizzard of stress. Next year I hope for sunnier skies, or at least better boots.

Wholeness

In education we often use the word "whole" to describe something comprehensive and multi-faceted, i.e.: educating the whole child, or the whole-language approach to teaching reading.  In my undergrad courses and several staff developments, educating the whole child often speaks to not only their academic growth, but also developing social and emotional skills. It also means teaching to multiple types of intelligences (Gardner) so that students of varying strengths have the opportunity to succeed and learn alongside their peers.  Sometimes it is difficult as a teacher to measure this.  We often go on our intuition (which I think is largely undervalued at times) to address social or emotional issues with students.  It seems as though we have an assessment for every skill we require our students to know, but never an assessment to either tell us how a child is feeling and why or an assessment on how our students learn the best. When something is awry we feel it but can't always pinpoint it, and when students succeed we celebrate with them.

In a conversation with the first grade bilingual teacher we shared what we knew about some students I had last year.  There were a few that were very bright academically but not achieving their potential because of other social and emotional issues. As teachers we feel powerless to change the circumstances that our students live in for the other 17 hours they aren't in school.  In educating it is necessary to keep in mind all of the facets of our students, and that we can't always attribute successes or failure to a teacher's methods.  This could easily go in to a political rant on merit-pay, but I just don't think I will go there tonight.

In my attempts to teach the "whole child" I often find myself overwhelmed.  Do I assess the child's writing, or talk to him or her about how confident they feel and who writes in their house?  There are simply too many facets of educating a child to approach them wholly at the same time.  It becomes overwhelming and a nightmare of prioritizing.  But yet, when we are required to assess 5 year-olds it sometimes feels like we aren't educating the child but pumping them for answers. This is the inner-conflict I feel in my field as a modern educator.

Personally I think I have been seeking wholeness in my life at many times.  I have gotten to the point now where I realize what factors make me feel "whole" or like a better person, but just like in teaching there are too many things to be addressed at once.  People say "simplify," but I often already feel like I am running a skeleton-crew of priorities: my son, my family and loved-ones, my job, education, and my health. Some people might even say that my list is devoid of certain things like recreation and spiritual growth.  I might be inclined to agree with them.

When we look from the outside in we tend to envy others, thinking they have it made.  Yet from that person's perspective, it isn't enough and they may always seek more.  Being unsatisfied is human nature.  Being unsatisfied inspires innovation, brings immigrants to our country and is the underlying force for progress.  However, being unsatisfied or under-appreciative can ruin something that is already good.  I have witnessed examples of this personally: marriages destroyed by a partner who manically searches for something else while refusing to witness the wonderful things right under their own roof in their own partner.  I have witnessed this in education multiple times: curriculum being changed over and over without ever having the opportunity to be fully implemented, and even the entire educational system being disparaged because test scores aren't as high compared to other countries.  The unsatisfied spouse lays blame with their partner, the public lays blame with teachers.  There is rarely any introspection to see what the underlying missing facet is. What is it exactly that is leaving us feeling deficient?

I propose that anyone who is feeling incomplete take some time for introspection to reflect and appreciate on what is already good, rather than searching for that magic fix.  There never is a magic fix, unless we change our perspective with a new glasses prescription.

Everything I should know I learn from my Kindergartners

Today this morning was crazy.  I found out yesterday that I have a new student coming from an English-speaking classroom.  The poor peanut is going to be confused until we get everything straightened out with her.  You might wonder, "Well, don't you just put her in the English speaking classroom at your school then?"  She has had a good solid 6 years of learning since womb-exit in Spanish, and only 7 months of English learning. Luckily, she is sweet as can be and we are happy to have her.


During centers I have been running the reading center at the rainbow table. My co-teacher has been running the writing center and the other student rotate between free-choice, free-choice reading, and a math activity.  Today one of our students got a nose bleed and my co-teacher threw on the rubber gloves to take care of her.  The 5 students at her center were still "working." One student is very impulsive and likes to get things done very quickly. When he saw that Miss O was busy he just started writing random letter.  The boy next to him in group, who is a solid student and nice to everyone saw what he was doing and asked him to read his sentence aloud to him.  Miss O later recounted to me to what she had heard while squeezing the girl's nose... A boy who I will call Manuel (not his real name) had the boy randomly writing letter read what he wrote. This was his response translated from Spanish
          "Read it to me. No, it doesn't say "gym." For "gym" you need the "g" like guitar."
This is what teachers live for. Kids who learn better when the teacher doesn't have to be pulling them along, and BETTER a student who has learned it well enough and is confident enough to teach it to a peer.


Manuel taught me something today.  Sometimes the best time to help someone is when you see that they need it, but they don't ask for it.  They may resent you for it momentarily, but will thank you for it in the end through returned kinship.  His peer, "Israel" was writing random letters all over the place, and Manuel helped him by redirecting him into doing something more productive, but also showing him the purpose.   One of the major premises in teaching elementary school is, "All children have gifts. It is our job to tap them and use them to facilitate their learning."  Manuel has some definite academic skills... His friend has other qualities, like persuasion and humor, that he doesn't have. Both Manuel and Israel are valued in my class as equals.


I have recently been on the other end of that equation. In the last year or so I have received help from people who care about me and I care about them.  I don't usually solicit it because I believe that I should be independent and earn what I have.  I sometimes lack the time, skill or patience to get done what I need to get done, because just like my Kindergartners I am learning as I go.  More so I lack the humility to realize I do have many things to learn sometimes.  


As a teacher, I am used to being the one with the answers and the "fixits." But now I have met someone who knows more than me about many things. He sees when I struggle and he helps, even when I don't ask. And I made the mistake of being resentful, not because I can't do what he does, but I simply haven't yet. In watching Manuel and Israel I have been reminded of why, as human beings, we like to help.  We help for personal satisfaction in knowing that we know how, we help because we care about each other, and we want others to do well.  


I hope, that just like Manuel, he can be content with showing me on occasion and not always doing for me, so that someday I will learn and do for myself the things he already does so well. I have misconstrued his help for his desire to want to be "better" than me or unequal, rather than what is his genuine attempt to try to make life easier.  I have been praying for a easier row to hoe, and instead of God giving me a new row, I now have cute chicken farmer with a hoe in my row too. His row is already hoed (especially since all his chickens are dead), and he won't leave me out there with the soil untilled. I wanted to say I hoed that row by myself, but I would probably never get there if it weren't for him.  I am profoundly grateful and sorry. 

sorry.

I hope someday I will catch up on this steep learning curve and be the helper and the teacher sometimes too. It's amazing how much Kindergartners love to be the helper or the teacher. I am learning that it isn't so much what we do right now, but that we value each other as equals (almost like the U.S. currency). I hope someday I get to have the satisfaction knowing that I can help him too and show him that I care and want him to do well. And maybe teach him how to cook without recipes.