Give up...

I got home tonight with my son. He saw kids riding up and down our street and called out to them, "Hello! Come play with me!"  For a few minutes I had one of those moments parents have when they finally are certain of the growth and change their child is making. He doesn't need me or want me around at all waking hours like he used to.  Today I saw him reaching out to kids he didn't know, out of his shell, and I realized my baby is nearly ready for school.  It can be a tough pill to swallow, or is it that big lump you get in your throat when you have to let something go?

I came up and checked my Facebook and saw a fellow teacher friend who posted this link: http://www.purposefairy.com/3308/15-things-you-should-give-up-in-order-to-be-happy/
I think that this article speaks to something I find as true, that we create our own happiness with what we have. It isn't the prize we earn when we finally get to point B, or the new house, a new car, or a diamond ring. It is the spiritual grounding you have in your own life and how we manage inevitable challenges.

Although there are 15 things to give up, I found the following from the article to be the most applicable as of late.

GIVE UP YOUR NEED FOR CONTROL

Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.

“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu

There are many things I cannot immediately control: my class-size in number of students, my income (or lack thereof), etc., but I can manage them.  I find that I am sometimes fighting my boisterous students for them to be quiet so we can continue on, but there is really no way I can MAKE them be quiet.  I just have to find a way to manage their disruption so they don't find it rewarding to be disruptive and the rest of the students can continue on. 

GIVE UP YOUR LIMITING BELIEFS

about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!

“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle

Kindergartners can achieve so much when they are given the right enriching experiences that inspire them to learn. They often remind me that learning is limitless when I see how much they achieve in 9 months.




GIVE UP COMPLAINING

 Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

Lately I feel I have done too much complaining. Despite it being a tough year, no excuses.  I think I am going to start filing them away.

GIVE UP YOUR RESISTANCE TO CHANGE

 Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell

Sometimes I have a hard time determining my bliss. Yesterday I spun one of my students around in circles (he was having a bad day) and watch his face light up as he squealed with delight.  I love cooking, especially when it turns out, photography... I think though in many ways I have been trying to find footing in my personal life, and perhaps I am holding on and searching with my feet where there is no footing yet.

Not me, wish it was!

and lastly for tonight:
GIVE UP ATTACHMENT

This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.

I love my son beyond words, and I am growing to accept that it is okay for me to love the time I spent with him when he was a "baby." But I cannot keep him as a baby forever. I think as a single parent who misses out on some of the time with him, I fear losing him or his love.  I know that it is an irrational fear, but there it is, nonetheless.

I think anyone should check out 15 Things You SHould Give Up To Be Happy for a little bit of introspection and self-reflection.  I'm sure there is something there that anyone would feel they could work on.

This entry is for my grandma who passed a year ago today.  I love her and all memories of her. I'd like to think that her simplicity and sensibility guides me a little bit everyday.

And also to my mom, who cried on my first day of Kindergarten.
Happy Mother's Day, Mom.  Thanks for pushing me through those big, red double doors at Pitsch Elementary, even though part of you maybe wanted to pick me up and run back home.

Maybe it's a little gift for you to know I'm right back in Kindergarten where you left me that day, hair still wild and curly and glasses still thick and plastic, fashion sense only slightly improved.